I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
