So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
