Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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