1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
