no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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