And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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