we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
