so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
