i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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