After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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