Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
