i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
