i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
