you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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