haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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