Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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