This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
