Tell her she can't have a vagina
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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