he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
