You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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