So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
