i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
