I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
