Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
