We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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