I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
