True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
