No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
