my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize