i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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