thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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