After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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