I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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