I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
