i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
