Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
