one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
