I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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