How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize