I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
