we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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