also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
not ubering you a puppy
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
