She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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