and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
