he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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