Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
