drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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