If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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