This girl is more easily done than said...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
