She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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