Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
