I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
