nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
