Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize