Welp...herpes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
