all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
