Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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