Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
