I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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