So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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