I think I died a long time ago.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
