perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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