Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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