I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
