I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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