going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
