Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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