babies were throwing up all over the place
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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