I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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