I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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