we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
