She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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