When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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