So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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