bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
