I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
