She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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