we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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