First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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